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4 PETA Campaign Posters I Wish Were Real

Jan
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Posted on January 11, 2012 at 2:51 am

You know what I miss most about working for PETA (besides hanging out with A-list celebrities like Benji Madden)? We had this tradition when we launched a new campaign where we’d get all of the staff, interns, and volunteers together in a meeting room to kick around creative ideas, from how to market the campaign online to what sorts of props we should use at demonstrations. My favorite part of these brainstorming seshes was coming up with campaign taglines. For whatever reason, some of my most brilliant ideas never actually made it to print. Here are some campaign posters that I wish so hard were real.

1) Premarin

If you’re not a middle-aged woman, you probably have no fucking clue what a “Premarin” is. Premarin is a drug used to treat the symptoms of menopause. As if menopause wasn’t already gross enough, Premarin is made by strapping rubber bags to forcibly impregnated horses and collecting their urine. I swear to God I’m not making this shit up — the name Premarin is in fact an acronym for PREgnant MARes’ urINe. To produce this hot flash piss cocktail, Pfizer keeps horses pregnant for about 12 years straight in stalls so tiny they can’t even turn around, and deprives them of water in order to squeeze more estrogen out of them.
 

This is Premarin, Don't Let Anyone Tell You Different - PETA poster
 

2) Circuses

Those assholes at Ringling must hate that PETA owns the domain name Circuses.com, almost as much as Tyson and Smithfield must hate that it owns Meat.org. For decades now, PETA’s activists have been following Ringling’s caravan of freaks and child molesters everywhere they go, documenting how poorly animals in their care are treated. In just 19 years, at least 29 elephants have died because of Ringling’s fuckedupedness, four of which were babies, one of which was an 8-month-old. 29 dead elephants in 19 years. If they were all buried on top of each other, the grave would have to be as deep as a football field.
 

Here's the Rest of Your Circus - PETA poster
 

3) POM

Fortunately PETA won it’s campaign against POM Wonderful pretty quickly, because honestly, it was confusing as all hell. It was a really difficult campaign to explain to someone at a demonstration, largely because of the fact that what POM was doing to animals is too psychotic to believe. Basically, in order to make some pretty outlandish health claims about its bourgie juice, POM was inducing erectile dysfunction in rabbits. It’s baffling, but true. POM’s goal in conducting these Dr. Jekyll-esque experiments was to be able to tell consumers that drinking their juice will make your old man weiner stay hard. The fun part of PETA’s ultimately victorious campaign to stop these experiments was that Naked Juice, one of POM’s primary competitors, had a “no animal experiments” policy. And their company is fucking called Naked Juice. I mean, if there was ever a perfect fit for a partnership with PETA, it’s a company with the word naked in their name. I really think the straw that broke the camel’s back was that POM realized naked supermodels like Pamela Anderson make old man weiners harder than any fruity drink ever could. AND HOLY SHIT, I JUST REALIZED THAT PAMELA ANDERSON WAS A PLAYBOY BUNNY AND THE CAMPAIGN WAS ABOUT BUNNIES. In retrospect, I don’t know how this campaign lasted longer than an afternoon …
 

Your Pomegranate Juice Had a Face - PETA poster
 

4) NASA

Then NASA came along and took crazy animal experiments to a whole new, scary level. Before PETA came along and stopped them, NASA planned to spend a few million dollars to see what would happen to monkeys if they bombarded them with high levels of radiation in a sketchy laboratory in Long Island, destroying their brains in the process. I mean, I’m not really a scientist per se, but I’m pretty certain that we already have a pretty good idea what the effects of prolonged exposure to radiation are. Like death for example. Oh, and in these experiments, which thankfully never went forward, NASA was going to be radiating squirrel monkeys, which if you don’t already know are just the cutest things since the slow loris. Seriously, Google it. Anyone who would hurt one of those adorable fuckers deserves to be put on a space shuttle aimed straight at the ground.
 

I'm Not a Space Shuttle - PETA poster
 

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24 Responses to 4 PETA Campaign Posters I Wish Were Real

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  2. Totally agree with you. It is true that pelope can protest about animal abuse, but making them vegetarians and treating them like a REAL human is stupid. I liked the idea how PETA started protesting against meat factories on the excessive abuse on animals like beating them etc. But at some point they went just way too far.They need to know that many pelope still eat meat and will never stop eating meat LIKE ME. Meat is good. PETA needs to support meat eating pelope, and also need to focus more on the right treatment of animals before they are killed for meat. So us humans wont catch the disease from animals that were sick in the meat process.

    • Um. Hey Verta? Hi. I’m not really sure where to start. Let’s see.

      OK, so I think you might’ve rushed through this post and missed a few extremely important details. Your comment’s kind of really confusing because the first four words you said were “totally agree with you”, but then what followed was complete and utter disagreement. Like, you couldn’t have disagreed with me more if you tried.

      Right, and then there’s this part about how you think I said something about thinking that animals are humans. I mean, no. I don’t think that. I totally agree with you that thinking that all animals are humans, and REAL ones at that, is a categorically stupid belief to hold. That would be like saying all rectangles are squares. Clearly that’s a fucking moronic thing that only a total asshole would believe.

      Where are we now? The “excessive abuse” thing, got it. So Verta, you say “excessive abuse”, and I’m not sure if you realize it, but your phrasing implies that abusing animals is acceptable in moderation. “beating etc.” is not the only thing that’s fucked up about raising animals for food — every single aspect of factory farming is deplorable. Asking people not to put dead animals in their mouth is not going way too far. That’s like saying, hey George Clooney, I like the idea of protesting the Sudanese regime for civil war, etc., but asking them to stop killing their own citizens is just crossing the line. (HOW’S THAT FOR A GERMANE ANALOGY TO CURRENT EVENTS, HUH?)

      Also, hey, so I think you might be confusing PETA with the CDC. Common mistake. God, aren’t acronyms fucking confusing? PETA’s goal is not to ensure that people can eat dead animals without fear of contracting diseases from their corpses. I mean, do you think anti-rape groups are out there campaigning to protect rapists from contracting STDs from the women they rape?

      And, oh, I’ll have to check, but I’m 99% certain that pelope is not a word in the English language.

      To sum up, you’re not very good at the Internet.

      • oh, totally cool!I used to be pertty good at gross science stuff at school so much fun (cow eye, frog, rat )However, my favorite gross thing ever is when I found a kinda fresh dead deer under a tree at my mom’s house (I was 15). I played vet with it during an entire weekend. My mom was SUPER upset but she made sure that I was always using the same part of the stick to poke its body (and internal organs)!!! Yeah, you are probably freaked out now

        • Your mother has failed you terribly. If you still have it, I recommend using the same part of the stick to poke yourself in the eye.

  3. using foul language cannot help your cause, because
    people will think that your lift is not going to your top
    floor. dont loose your cool, and never throw your
    toys out of the cot. keep up the good work.

    • More like FOWL language. Get it, because this is a blog post about animals, and a fowl is an animal, but it kind of sounds like foul? Holy fuck, that shit is goddamn hilarious.

      No, but I couldn’t agree more. I strive to ensure that everyone I encounter on the Internet knows how far up my lift goes, and I’d hate for my toys to be anywhere other than wholly contained within my cot.

      • If they had not killed off so many wolfs and mntauoin loins there would not be this problem. Nature can take care of it self if we leave it alone. It sounds cruel but nature needs to take its coarse. If they had left it alone in 1999 there would not be a problem now. The weak would have died and what was Left would make the population stronger. For somethings to live somethings must died

    • Open the hunt. harvest the meat to feed the ianrvstg people and homeless. On day PETA may come to understand that the NRA wre not here to promothe cage hunts but rather to help the hurd by thining out the unfit and stragelers. In this way saving the anamals from the fate of ianrvstg due to overpopulation.

      • So many of the things in your comment aren’t words in any language. This clearly makes you a strageler. I wholeheartedly encourage the NRA to feed you to the ianrvstg people. The hurd will be better off.

  4. Hope helpful |

    Your PMU poster is easily attacked as that is clearly a male horse and unless it magically grew a uterus and was able to sustain life in no way could be pregnant and therefore could not be producing urine to use in Premarin! Plus you can’t deprive a horse of water and make them produce more estrogen. It would only increase hormones concentrations in the ure. Additonally, if truely deprived of water the horses would probably die of gastro intestinal problems due to the necessity of water for gut health. Feral horses may go 24 hours with out a drink. I have no real objection or support for PMU just helping you adjust your arguement to make you look less ignorant than your poster & statements makes you look.

    • Hey fella,

      I see the jokes contained herein were completely lost on you! Shit, sorry about that.

      First, yes, it is pretty obvious that’s a male horse up there. Like, painfully obvious. Unfortunately, Google Images doesn’t turn up a whole lot of useful results for “female horses peeing”. Considering this is a parody though and not a real campaign poster, I think it’s alright that the horse has a boy thingy and not a girl thingy, don’t you?

      Depriving a mare of water doesn’t cause her to produce *more* estrogen, but rather, it increases the concentration of estrogen in the urine she subsequently produces. Read a fucking book, bro. Also, I’m not entirely sure you know what the word “depriving” means. Read a fucking dictionary, bro. While it’s true that if you were to withhold ALL water from a mare (or, you know, pretty much any other animal on Earth) she would die, you can substantially limit her water intake, which the makers of Premarin do. It’s not mine or PETA’s opinion, it’s a fact.

      • Your state fish and game office ouhsld get involved and allow an emergency cull hunt. When Elk have no natural predators and water and food are scarce it is a sign that your local ecosystem cannot support them and mother nature is getting rid of them in her own way. To avoid a waste of valuable game meat you ouhsld buy a .300 Win Mag, get your division of wildlife to give you a tag and go harvest yourself a steak and a you can even make a belt!On a lighter side, in Colorado where I live the state has been known to drop hay for the Elk durng rough winters.Cheers!

    • if you live right accross the river find a HAY FOR SALE ad in the npasewper and have the HAY delivered to where they elk are perhaps they have worms or other internal problems and need to be rounded up and dewormed or vaccinatedumm PETA was initially well intentioned but turned into a bunch of fruitcakes If you are concerned with animals work for your local SPCA or humane society and stay away from activists like PETA who have lost sight of some really important stuff.. for example they dont want people wearing leather (cows are not killed for leather they are killed for meat.. the leather is better to be used than wasted) but incourage people to wear synthetics like polyester instead.. well the making of polyester destroys more habitat and animals and polutes the air and water big time.. so this is backwards thinking .treating animals good is ok but they are a bit freaky on some things

      • But what should I do if I see a HAY FOR SALE sign and I don’t live right accross the river?! Please help! I’ve been cutting out HAY FOR SALE ads from the Sunday paper every week for years and have no idea what to do next! The elk are probably riddled with worms by now.

        I definitely agree that animals are a bit freaky on some things. Have you heard about sloths?

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